“I proclaim healing over my children. By Jesus’ stripes they were healed. The healing, life-giving, disease-destroying power of God is working in their bodies. It drives out all manner of sickness and disease. They are full of life, health, strength, and vitality. They are healed, healthy, and whole from the tops of their heads to the soles of their feet. Every organ in their bodies operates and functions the way God created it, with no disease or malfunctions. Every system in their bodies operates and functions with supernatural efficiency. My children’s nervous systems, their digestive systems, their electrical systems, their circulatory systems, and every other system functions with 100 percent efficiency… My children are healed, healthy, and whole in Jesus’ name.”
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John Haven has been golfing with daddy and shopping with mama. He's been to the lake and a baseball game. He's been to the zoo a dozen times. He's been to the park and watched his brother ride his trike all over the neighborhood. He's watched all of Mills' favorite shows and helped his mama cook daddy's favorite meals. He's eaten at so many of our favorite restaurants and loves sweets just as much as his mama.
What a life he is living! In the safety of my womb, he's experiencing life. He's a significant part of our family. In this season, so many of our decisions revolve around John Haven. We want him to experience the world. We want to create joyful moments with him. And we are, praise the Lord! At the top of his bucket list was a family beach trip. We weren't sure about the details, but we were prayerfully hoping a mini vacation would divinely fall into place. I dreamed of having all of my boys at the beach together. For John Haven to play in the water with his brother. To see the ocean and feel the waves. To watch a sunset and taste the ocean air. I am so thankful for the days our family was able to spend together at the beach. I'll remember them forever! Having our babies close in age has always been a dream of ours. When we found out about John Haven’s diagnosis, we had to grieve our dreams. We had to grieve the normalcy we expected in life. We’ve had to arrive at the the truth that’s been true all along: we’re not in control and that’s good.
There are so many different possibilities on how all of this could end. But my heart can’t rest there. I won’t let it. I won’t think about stillbirth. I fall apart when I think about walking out of the hospital without John Haven. So, I’ll look to the Healer and away from the diagnosis. Because we’re declaring healing and believing He can and He will, with all our hearts. Our sweet boy’s diagnosis and prognosis bring me to my knees. We’re desperate for God’s intervention. But right now, we won’t grieve John Haven’s life. We’ll celebrate it. Because he is so worthy of all of our love and all of our joy! I pray all the time for John Haven’s healing, but honestly, I spend more time worshipping Jesus for who He is, praising the Lord for his sovereignty and thanking the Lord for John Haven’s life and purpose. It’s what sustains me. Because these weeks can be long. And I often feel weary. I was spending some time with the Lord before an appointment a few weeks ago. And I saw the miracle. I saw myself holding a perfect baby boy, completely healed. I know this vision was a testament that the Lord WILL heal John Haven. I’ve said it many times before, but we understand his healing could be on earth or in heaven, we’re just believing with all our hearts for healing on earth. Continue to pray and believe with us. Some days I feel so weary as I pray for miracles, and my spirit is so encouraged to know that I have a community of believers standing with me in prayer. As I walk into my appointments, I am filled with so much hope. Hope that I’ll see healing. Hope that all my prayers will have been answered. Hope that I’ll see the Healer at work. Last week, I got to see John Haven for the first time in a few weeks. And oh, was he beautiful! I was so expectant of the miracle, but his body was still broken. We learned he was measuring 3 weeks behind. And as much as my spirit believes in the Lord’s perfect plan, I was heartbroken. Oh how my heart longs for healing. My spirit is so desperate for the miracle!
But we still have hope. Because a negative report doesn’t change our trust in the Father. John Haven is still in the hands of his Maker. And that’s something I can trust with all my heart. He is still being knit together so perfectly inside of me by his Creator. Praise the Lord! Because of this truth, I requested another ultrasound with the high risk doctor. I want to know every ounce of John Haven’s body. I want to know exactly how to pray. I want to know every single detail about my son. We know the basics: Trisomy 18, omphalocele, heart defects, cysts on his brain, small chest cavity, clubbed foot... and the list goes on. But mama’s ready to know it all. Every detail, every diagnosis, every expectation, everything. I’ve been healthily denying it all, refusing to accept the diagnosis. Putting all hope in the Father. And of course He alone is our hope, but this mama wants to know her child. I want to denounce every defect and claim healing and victory over specific parts of my son’s body! Until the appointment, my greatest prayer is for John Haven to be alive at birth. I want to hold his life-filled body, feel his warmth in my arms, and hear his sweet cry. Join with me in this prayer! Declare LIFE over John Haven, for the glory of the Lord! “I will sing the Lord’s praise, for he has been good to me.” Psalm 13:6 |